You Respond: 7 Words for the 7th Day

It's the 7th day of the 30-Day Keep-Your-Cool Challenge, and I want to try something different.  I'd like to challenge YOU.  If you've been participating in the Challenge or just reading my posts from time to time out of curiosity, I'd like to hear from you!

Don't worry; I'm not asking much: Just 7 words for the 7th day.  I'll even give you 7 ideas, one idea based on each day.  Pick one, and add your comment below in 7 words or less!

Day 1: I prayed for more patience.  I committed to try to make it 30 days without losing my temper and yelling, especially at my 3-year-old daughter.

7-Word Idea #1: Does this Keep-Your-Cool Challenge ring true for you?  Tell how or why.

Day 2: I prayed specifically for love on Day 2.  I sought to extend grace to my daughter, who is only three years old after all.  I explained my tendency to let "the wrongs" build up, so that I lose my temper more easily than I should over minor frustrations.

7-Word Idea #2: "Love keeps no record of wrongs" comes from 1 Corinthians 13: What part of 1 Corinthians 13 is hitting home for you?

Day 3:  JOY.

7-Word Idea #3: What about your child or other significant person in your life brings you joy?

Day 4: The enemy of peace.  For me, the enemy of peace in my life is busy-ness and screen time/background noise.

7-Word Idea #4: What's the enemy of peace in your life right now?  Or, how are you fighting back?

Day 5:  On Friday, I had "Great is Thy Faithfulness" in my head all day.  All day long, I was reminded of times in my life when God has been faithful.

7-Day Idea #5:  When have you seen God's faithfulness in your life?

Day 6: Speaking of faithfulness... my I Heart Baking Soda story was really just one more example of God being faithful in my life.  And it was also kind of a funny story.

7-Day Idea #6: Tell me a story.

Day 7: That's today!

7-Day Idea #7: Your choice. I'd just love to hear from you. :) 

I Heart Baking Soda

Well, I screamed yesterday.  But I don't think it counts.  Read on and see why:

Remember my post yesterday?  About my "ordinary" day?  Ha!

So there I was, in the kitchen... 

Maisy watching Doc McStuffins on the couch while I made supper...

Tucker in his high chair, rejecting dry cereal and squawking for more attention... 

Snickerdoodles on cooling racks, occasionally being checked for quality...

Cookie dough on baking sheets, ready to go in the oven...

Counter tops covered with cooling racks, baking sheets, flour and bowls and measuring cups...

Dinner in the oven...

Peas in the steamer on the back burner...

Clock ticking away the time until Rick and I are due to leave this crazy kitchen to hang out with adult friends for the night...

Rick walks in the door.

I hear a POOF behind me!

Shooting flames from the front burner!

I scream!

"AGGHHHH!!!!!!  FIRE!!!!!! FIRE!!!!!! FIRE!!!!!!!"

HUGE flames!!!!

I dart for the fire extinguisher.  I think, "I don't know how to use this thing."  Rick says, "Where's the baking soda??"  I think, "Did I put it away after I made the cookies?" 

I check.  I did. I grab. I dump.

Flames going out.  Smoke detectors screeching.  Tucker screeching.  Maisy calming looking on from the couch, fingers in her ears.  Smoke billowing.  Heart pounding.  

I heart baking soda.

The moral of the story is this: Know where your baking soda is.  OR just don't set a plastic microwave splatter cover onto the front burner, then start the back burner, except you actually start the front burner by mistake.

And that was my "ordinary" day.     

(It's Day 6, Friends.  Don't set your kitchens on fire.)

Challenge Day 5: I am Tired; God is Faithful

I woke up exhausted this morning.  Rick plays basketball early (read: crazy early) on Friday mornings, so I knew it was going to be all me this morning.  I think that made me even more tired.  As I've been doing all this week, the first thing I did was pray.  Except this morning, I literally fell asleep... multiple times.  A song came to mind, so instead of praying words, I ended up singing it in my head:

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;

There is no shadow of turning with Thee,

Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not,

As Thou hast been,Thou forever wilt be.

Refrain:

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Great is Thy faithfulness! 

Morning by morning new mercies I see

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above;

Join with all nature in manifold witness,

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.

(Refrain)

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,

Thine own great presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.

(Refrain)

I didn't really grow up in a "hymn church", although my church now sings many of them. Yet this song came to mind. I knew the first verse, the refrain, and part of the second verse, at which point the song in my head would loop right back up to the refrain. But reading all the lyrics now, I love how the song ends. It's what I needed this tired morning, to keep me from turning into a crabby mommy: Thine own great presence to cheer and to guide; Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow.

Day 5: Since God provided THEN...
So "Great is Thy Faithfulness" has been running through my head all day, a very ordinary day. And I found myself remembering all of the times that God was faithful, and thinking, "Since God provided THEN, I know I can count on Him NOW, in this very ordinary day."

Remembering:

As a high schooler, I once spun out on the highway on the way to a before-school activity. I ended up with my car facing the wrong way towards the ditch. I was scared. A neighbor I had never even met stopped and had a cell phone, and I called my dad to come and get me. Since God provided THEN...

When I first moved to the Twin Cities, I was a summer nanny, and I hadn't had the opportunity to make any friends yet. One Friday evening, I got bored and lonely enough to trust a college friend, and I cold-called the people she had been friends with the summer before. One became a friend, then a great friend, and he is now my best friend and my husband. Since God provided THEN...

My labor was 40+ hours from the start of my contractions, and the last few hours were painful and panic-stricken like I could never have imagined. But I made it through, and there she was: My firstborn child, just right, my own little Maisy. Since God provided THEN...

It was our 10-year-old foster daughter's first huge, prolonged meltdown, starting around mid-morning and lasting on through the afternoon. Calls to our workers went unanswered, and Rick and I stared at each other, not knowing what to do, truly not knowing how we'd make it through that day. We heard a knock at the door, and it was our neighbor with tickets to a play that night and an invitation for our foster children to attend with her. Since God provided THEN...

It was the darkest night of my life. Our 12-year-old foster son's emotions and behavior had reached a tipping point. He held a hammer in his hand, looked at us with wild eyes, and told us he couldn't control himself anymore. We went to the ER, where the night only grew darker. Hours later, we all returned home - together. Since God provided THEN...

I can think of many more moments in my life to this point when God has provided, including the birth of Tucker, my sweet, funny, chubby baby boy. 

 Since God provided THEN, through moments happy, scary, sad, lonely, joyful, bright, and dark... I know I can depend on Him in this day, as extraordinary or ordinary as it may be.

It's no surprise or coincidence that in my Bible reading plan today I encountered Psalm 118:1-18, which begins like this:

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.

Let all Israel repeat:
"His faithful love endures forever."

Let Aaron's descendants, the priests, repeat:
"His faithful love endures forever."

Let all who fear the Lord repeat:
"His faithful love endures forever."

In my distress I prayed to the Lord,
and the Lord answered me and set me free.

The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear.
What can mere people do to me?

Yes, the Lord is for me; he will help me.

Challenge Day 4: The Enemy of Peace

What would you say is the enemy of peace? I thought about this as I prepared for Day 4 of the Keep-Your-Cool Challenge.

Busy, for sure. Too many activities, too many reasons to bundle kids up and buckle kids in. And the more I have to rush, to bundle, to buckle, the less peace I feel within. And that frustration tolerance thermometer I talked about on Day 2? I jump from green to yellow to orange and sometimes red so quickly.  Normal dawdling (and incredible Maisy dawdling), and last-minute dirty diapers, and realizing I haven't let the dog out yet - when all mixed up with the "to-do list" spinning around in the back of my head - these minor events can become a big deal. Busy is an enemy of peace.

Screens.  TVs, smart phones, laptops, tablets.  Even the radio, screen-less though it may be.  This has been on my mind a lot lately.  I'm so easily distracted by my phone.  I'll check for missed calls or texts, or quickly check my email, as if a message could be so important that it can't wait for me to refill my daughter's milk cup first.  If my kids are both napping, I'll flip on the TV and have it on as background noise as I wash dishes or do homework or prepare for ELL or whatever.  What is so wrong with quiet?  

But I do it all the time.  (I do try to keep the TV off when my kids are up and wandering around, in large part because my little girl is magnetically attracted to TV, so if it's on, whatever the show, she's glued.  That's a whole other story though.)  I've been really working on keeping my smartphone somewhere out of sight when I'm spending time with my kiddos.  It's a work in progress.  But what about when they're asleep?  I wonder what I'm missing out on by keeping my eyes and ears filled with meaningless background noise during times that could be filled with quiet, with more peace.  A still, small voice...?

32 “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered,each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.

33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:32-33

Day 4: Pray for Peace

Day 4: "Am I too busy?"  
The answer to this is easy: I know I am.  It's nothing to be proud of, although our society seems to hold "busy-ness" in high regard. I'm trying to be more careful before I add activities these days, whether for myself or my kids.  There are so many fun and worthwhile kids activities, but we can't and shouldn't do all of them.  Is there something else I can eliminate from our schedule?  Or something I should be careful NOT to add?

Day 4: Unplug
Confession: I had Twin Cities Live on my TV in the background while I was typing about screens being the enemy of peace.  Ha!  Point made.  I've turned it off now.  Check!  I've hidden my smartphone from sight most of the morning.  Check!  I'm not saying to go extreme and go completely electronics-free here (but feel free to try, and let me know how it goes.)  But maybe just pick one time of day to choose quiet over background noise, focus over smartphone distraction.

Maisyism of the Day:
Maisy wanted to wear a new headband she got from her grandma today.  After I put it on, she said, "No Mama, pull it down onto my forehead.  I want to look like one of Jesus' disciples."  Here she is!  What Jesus' disciples might have looked like wearing lime green:

24 

“‘“The Lord bless you

    and keep you;

25 

the Lord make his face shine on you

    and be gracious to you;

26 

the Lord turn his face toward you

    and give you peace.”’  

Numbers 6:24-26

PEACE.

KYC Challenge Day 3: A little post about JOY

I was reminded this morning that 3 is 3.  My goal today was to focus on joy - always patience, too, of course - but joy was my aim.  So I'd prayed about it this morning.  I'd been thinking about it as I went through the motions of the day.  I made attempts to notice the things about my children that bring my joy: Maisy padding across the living room with her tousled hair, grinning at me in her nightgown, clutching her "snugglers", fresh from her night's sleep.  Tucker concentrating deeply on balancing a pink tin toy plate on top of the dusty bottom of the angel food cake pan he had dragged out of a cabinet.  Joy in my children, in the little everyday things.

I kept my cool all morning!  After all, this is Day 3.  I can still do this.  Yet when it came time for Maisy to pull on her shoes and coat for preschool, she had a total meltdown!  One of those no-apparent-reason-for-tears, runny nose, raised voice tantrums that can set me off, especially (as in today) when we are running late.  But I remained calm - yay!

Then - oh, the injustice - as I buckled Maisy into her car seat, she accused me of being mean to her this morning.  What?!  At first, I verbally disagreed, as if telling her that "no, I wasn't mean" was going to have any kind of effect on her 3-year-old state of mind.  As if she would stop and say "You're right, Mommy, actually you've been quite nice in spite of my crabbiness."  ;)  Luckily, I quickly realized the road I was going down, and I stopped myself.  (I don't always manage this.)  I turned off the radio and put on a CD she likes, and within 2 minutes, she was giggling at a song and telling me I was a funny mommy.  Oh, three!

It's a reminder of why I'm doing this though: Not to change HER behavior necessarily (though that would be a nice side effect), but to change my own behavior.  A 3-year-old's emotions are clearly out of my control, but I can try to control my own.

So here we are, Day 3, and today is all about Joy, regardless!

Joy. Joy instead of anger sounds pretty good, right?  One of the fruits of the Spirit is JOY.  Not happiness.  Happiness is like ice cream.  It's delicious, but it lasts only until it's been eaten or it melts.  In my house, it melts when we've busted out the ice cream prematurely thinking both kids are asleep.  So we're celebrating this one hour of shared freedom in our day, and then Tucker starts bawling, or Maisy tiptoes into the room and peeks over the edge of the couch.  I want you to know that we eat the ice cream anyway, even after it has melted.  Because we believe in happiness.

But JOY.  Joy comes straight from the Lord.  (Well, so does ice cream.)

Psalm 5:11

But let all who take refuge in you be glad;
    let them ever sing for joy.
Spread your protection over them,
    that those who love your name may rejoice in you

I love this verse.  So many promises!  We can take refuge in the Lord, sing for joy, and God will spread his protection over us.  We can rejoice in Him!

Day 3: Start with Praise... and Pray for Joy Today

Day 3: Rediscover Joy in my Children
What about my children brings me joy?  Sometimes I get so caught up in the day to day that I don't see it.  It was easier for me when they were tiny, warm little bundles, brand new life, straight from God and into my arms.  When my babies were literally curled up next to my heart, joy was inevitable.  Diaper blowouts were inevitable too, the really messy kind, and some pretty sleep-deprived nights, but I'll never forget the joy of holding my newborn babies.

It's different now, the joy stuff, but still there.  I just forget to notice sometimes.

So today I'm going to look for it and maybe even write it down, the joy my children bring me, so that I can see the good in them today.  I think if I'm looking for the joy, it's going to be easier to overlook some of the other stuff.  I could even write it down on a special note, and read it to Maisy, a reason she brings me joy.

Day 3: Laugh
I saw this video on Facebook yesterday and laughed out loud.  I think it fits well here.  I hope it makes you laugh too:

Keep-Your-Cool Challenge Day 2: Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

Yesterday was Day 1 in my 30-day quest to fight back against the habit of angry words and voices that had crept into my mornings and other parts of my days.  I prayed for patience with my 3-year-old.  I paid less attention to the clock, and more attention to controlling my reactions to it.  And I celebrated with Maisy when we made it to the car without raising our voices.  Throughout the day, I was mindful of the volume of my voice and the burning in my chest when I felt myself running out of my store of patience, and I made it through Day 1.  And it felt pretty good!

Day 2: Start with Prayer... for Love

Today is Day 2, and I was pulled back again to the fruit of the Spirit, and this time, to Love.  I reread 1 Corinthians 13, that much-invited wedding ceremony guest, and I read it with a focus on my goal: Less anger, more calm.  Here’s what I read:

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails.    1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Patient again!  That’s good.  I can never have too much of that!  But it goes beyond patience. 

Day 2: Extend Unmerited Kindness

Kindness, yes.  That I can apply.  The kind of “grace”-kindness that a mentor mom spoke about at MOPS today, that “unmerited favor” that we receive from God, and need to strive to pass on to others.  For instance, extending grace to my daughter when her voice is whiiiiiiining and my ears physically hurt.  Favor and kindness, even when I’d rather plug my ears or repeat the screechy sounds back to her, as if that helps (Um no, it doesn’t help.  Tried that before.  Bad idea.). 

Unmerited kindness.  Kindness because I love her, even if kindness didn’t mean she’d pull her head up from under the covers so I could brush her hair this morning.  Kindness just because I love her.  Kindness didn’t stop her from refusing to have her hair brushed, and didn’t stop the natural consequence of me walking away to brush my own hair since she wasn’t ready, which didn’t stop her from slamming herself into her room when she decided she was ready “RIGHT NOW!”  Kindness didn’t stop those things, but my voice stayed calm, my anger stayed low, and my 3-year-old chilled out in her room while I dried my hair, and then brought me her hairbrush with a smile.  It always works out that well, right?  ;)

Day 2: Try Something Different

I used to do this all the time when I was a teacher of students with challenging behaviors: Try something different.  When a routine or a strategy or a whatever stops working, then switch it up.  For some reason, I hadn’t applied this to our morning routine, which clearly has not been working. 

Breakfast-potty-brush teeth-get dressed-brush hair.  Breakfast-potty-brush teeth-get dressed-brush hair. Breakfast-potty-brush teeth-get dressed-brush hair. 

We’ve done it this way for as long as I can remember.  Sure, I’ve tried sticker charts, time outs, setting a timer and dangling a reward (TV time), threatening that we’re going to be late (haha).  But I’ve never really considered changing the routine itself. 

So today I tried it.  And I’ll admit that Maisy kind of freaked out at first when I told her we were going to try going potty BEFORE breakfast.  Giving her some warning the night before might have helped.  But I offered to go with her to the potty, to help her, and she ended up trotting off with me.  I had her get dressed right away after that, reminding her that I’d pour her cereal next (It certainly didn’t hurt my cause that we have Lucky Charms in the house).  And voila!  Potty, check!  Get dressed, check!  Half her morning “to-do” list done before she even sat down at the table. 

We tried something different.

Day 2: “Love…. Keeps No Record of Wrongs”

Here’s a tough one for me.  I have a good visceral memory.  The “wrongs” sometimes build up in my chest from one moment, one hour, one day to the next.  I remember this VERY clearly from when we had the big kids with us.  Instead of my frustration level starting again at zero on each new day, or for each new “behavior”, I’d be starting somewhere much higher. 

If you visualize a thermometer with green, yellow, orange, and red levels reaching from bottom to top, I’d be starting somewhere between yellow and orange before the day had even started.  It’s not necessarily that extreme with Maisy, but still, sometimes I can jump to boiling red so much faster than I should for some small misdemeanor.  It’s because something inside of me is keeping a visceral record of wrongs, or maybe because I’m too busy or distracted, or because I’m too tired.  Whatever the reason, I need to find ways (A break, big or small? Some serious deep breaths? Mindfulness of it? Prayer before, during, and after?) to bring my “Record of Wrongs” meter back to the green zone.  Because it’s fair to my kiddos, it’s actually better for my health, and because that’s what 1 Corinthians 13 is talking about.   

And by the way, I think we can extend ourselves a bit of that same grace, and lack of record-keeping.  So if we mess up and blow up, we get to start back at “green” too.  

30-Day Keep-Your-Cool Challenge: Day 1

I yell, and I don't like it.  It's worse now than ever now that my 3-year-old dawdler - I mean, daughter - is capable of doing a lot of things independently.  However, if left to her own devices, she would probably still be standing in front of the sink without feeling any urgency to turn on the water.  

This dawdling side is nothing new!  I remember when Maisy was in gymnastics as a very young two-year-old, and the teacher would laugh at her no-hurry, take-the-long-way, stop-and-lay-on-the-mat-for-no-apparent-reason personality.  It IS funny!  Except when we have to be somewhere.  Or when I just want to move on with my day instead of waiting hours for Maisy to pull up her pants after going potty so that I can help her brush her teeth.  This potty-teeth-get dressed-brush hair routine can take FOR-EV-ER.  And it's daily.  So my patience stretches and s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s and s--t--r--e--t--c--h--e--s and then I snap, and I yell.  

I do Mad Mental Math: We've been doing this for 45 minutes.  It's 8:37 and we need to load up the van by 8:45.  I've asked her to put her left sock on 6 times.  I turn into a calculator, adding numbers into my head while I wait for my little girl to find a sense of urgency that doesn't exist, and all the while the kindness subtracts from my voice, and then my anger multiplies, and I yell.

Proverbs 15:1  A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

When I resort to harsh words, it stirs up Maisy's anger, and pretty soon we're both upset.  Whatever is supposed to be happening gets delayed, and we're both reacting in anger.  Pointless, right?  But so challenging!  So this is what I've been battling with lately, truly battling. 

I've decided to change.  I feel convicted to change.  So here we go, the 30-Day Keep-Your-Cool Challenge (cool, in honor of this chilly 25-degree morning).

My Day 1:  

Start with Prayer.  I prayed about it this morning before Maisy was even awake.  I asked God for extended patience for my little girl.  The fruit of the Spirit, right?  Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  Right on!  I needed to pray first.  I need to keep praying, so that the fruit of the Spirit can flow right out from me, starting in my own home.  

Be Willing to Be Late.  This morning, I decided that being a few minutes late would be worth it.  Leaving at 8:52 instead of 8:45 would be okay if it meant that we left the house without leaving behind us an echo of angry voices.  And guess what?  Maisy was still on time for preschool - just not a few minutes early like we usually are.  Even better, she was even brighter and shinier than usual, stopping to greet the school director with a cheery "hey there!" (haha), and exclaiming, "Good morning, Mrs. Gatz!" with extra cheer when we arrived at her classroom.  

Celebrate.  As we drove to school today, I told Maisy, "Thumbs up, Maisy!  No one got upset this morning.  Thumbs up for Mommy and Maisy!"  "Yeah!" said my sweet little dawdler.  I mean "daughter." ;)

"Thumbs up, Buttercup."  Maisy giggled.

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Do you hear an edge to your voice that you don't like?  Does your volume get turned up too loud?  Do you sense that an occasional outburst is on verge of becoming a cycle of short tempers?  It's the 30-Day Keep-Your-Cool Challenge.  I'll probably blow it sometimes.  There's no such thing as a perfect parent, right?  I just want this to be my number one goal for the next 30 days.  I want to build better habits, starting now.  I want to be a good example for my kids as they grow.  I can do better, starting now.