That's about how long it has been since I wrote my last post. In the beginning, I was too busy and exhausted to get down to the computer to write. After a time, however, I just didn't know what to say.
Every so often, I even contemplated deleting the last post because I couldn't imagine how I would build onto it from there. I didn't, though, because deleting the post would invalidate the emotions I felt then, and those emotions were very real. Deleting the post would erase a moment that happened, a joyful memory, regardless of the sad events that occurred later.
I won't tell the details of what happened. Even though I don't anticipate that either of the kids will ever read this, I need to protect their privacy and their feelings.
Things didn't turn out the way we had hoped and planned. I don't blame anyone, even myself, though that took some time. It's just the way it is. In short, we are now a family of 4. The bright little girl from our first meeting is living with, and is going to be adopted by, the foster family where she thrived before the placement was made. I heard her on the phone not long ago, and was so glad to hear that she sounded happy and healthy. The enthusiastic 12-year-old boy still lives with us, and soon he will be a teenager! The challenges are many. They are undeniable. But the memory of that first meeting, and the swell of love I felt for both of the children, they were real, too.
We're in a new place now, a place where we need to trust God to meet our needs each and every day. Like the manna from heaven that couldn't be kept from one day to the next, we rely on God for our daily bread, and we try not to worry about what tomorrow will bring. I pray every morning for God to give us enough for today, and He does!
Every day, He does. Like manna from heaven.
